The Beginnings
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: "Do you think that someone else will propose to you at the end of the season? Someone better?" / "That is not what I mean." / "Yes it is. You are waiting for the duke to propose. I am only number two on your list." Takes a look at the beginnings of Robert and Cora's marriage. Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

AN: Characters and so on aren't mine :(.

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"I think we should get married."

"Robert, I don't know."

"Why not?"

"Because we've only known each other for two months and it is not the end of the season yet."

"Do you think that someone else will propose to you at the end of the season? Someone better?"

"That is not what I mean."

"Yes it is. You are waiting for the duke to propose. I am only number two on your list."

"I, Robert, that is so difficult. No matter whom I marry, I will sign my fortune away for a title. And shouldn't I wait for the best bargain?"

"Maybe. But then I would have to marry Sarah Meissner. Because she has got more money than you."

"She is also ten years older than me and as dumb as humanly possible."

"Which is why I would never propose to her. I couldn't live with a stupid woman."

"Robert, you haven't proposed to me either. Not really."

"Would you like me to? Would you really like me to get down on one knee, present you with my grandmother's engagement ring and swear my undying love for you?"

"You don't love me."

"No. And you don't love me either. That is why I didn't really propose. I didn't want to insult your intelligence."

"I'll marry you. Because the duke would have proposed exactly how you described it and I would have been insulted."

"Good. The sooner we tell our parents the sooner it will all be over."

"What will all be over?"

"The wedding. Don't tell me you are looking forward to that."

"I don't. It'll be a show and nothing else."

"So we agree."

"We do."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ms Levinson will arrive today."

"We all know that."

"Violet, be nice."

"Why would I? I don't want her to marry our son."

"I am sitting right next to you Mama. Stop talking about me as if I wasn't there." It is driving him mad. His mother did not take well to the news of his engagement. His father had been pleased, of course, but his mother thinks that it is disgraceful to marry an American for money. He doesn't think it more disgraceful than to marry and English woman for money but he has never understood his mother's opinion on this. He thinks that Cora was the best option, all things considered. She has enough money, she is intelligent and she seems to have a disposition to be happy. He couldn't live with a woman who mopes around all day. His cousin Susan is like that and he pities the man who had to marry her last year. Of course, if it had been completely up to him he'd probably have proposed to Lady Elizabeth, the daughter of Baron Chesterford. He met her when visiting her brother Andrew, a friend from school, two years ago and he has fancied himself in love with her ever since. He had planned to talk his father into inviting Andrew and his sister for the New Year's Day shoot and then he would have proposed. Definitely on one knee, but he was not sure about his grandmother's engagement ring. But it all came to nothing when his father told him of the family's financial struggles and because he is a dutiful son he looked for a wife elsewhere. And Cora isn't too bad. He is almost sure that they will be friends eventually and that is more than some men get. He is happy she's coming to the estate now, eight weeks before their wedding and that she will stay, so that he won't have to get married to a complete stranger.

"Have you settled in?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Do you like the room?"

"Yes. But it is not the room I will be staying in after the wedding, is it?"

"Of course not. I won't make my wife sleep in the guest wing. I would have given you your actual room now but my mother threw a fit when I told her."

"Because that room is next to yours and presumably there is a connecting door between those two rooms."

"Yes."

"Oh well, if it is makes her happy, I'll stay in a guest room for the time being. God knows my being here certainly doesn't make her happy." He feels sorry for her because he can see that this bothers her, even if she tries to make light of it. "I'm sorry for my mother's behavior." He really is. It was rather embarrassing how his mother treated Cora when she arrived. She talked to her as if Cora wasn't able to understand English. Or words with more than one syllable. But Cora held her own and didn't fight with his mother and he is thankful for it. "It's not your fault. And my father isn't too happy with this arrangement either, but you know that as well as I do." "Yes. The talking to he gave me was quite something." "And nothing compared to what he said to me. But if you really look at it, our parents should be happy. We are doing what was asked of us." She says this with a smile on her lips but no emotion in her voice. He is glad she doesn't pretend to love him because if she did, he'd have to pretend to love her and that would all be rather complicated. So he is happy with the way things are and knows that Cora feels the same. He spends the rest of the day showing her through the house. It takes a lot longer than he thought it would because she keeps asking questions about paintings and when they enter the library she seems to be in a different world. She admires the books, takes them out of the shelf and handles them with extreme care.

By the time they sit down at the dinner table she knows half the family history. His mother throws barbs at her but she prefers to talk to his father about some of the paintings and ignores his mother's more and more obvious attempts at trying to get her to make a mistake. The looks his father throws his mother tell him that he will set her straight later that night. He hopes there won't be too much shouting involved, his parent seem to be almost fond of arguments that can be heard in the village. He hopes that he won't fight with Cora like that although his father once told him that the reason the arguments between his parents were so heated was because they loved each other so much.

Over the course of the next weeks he takes Cora around the estate. She can ride but tells him that she prefers to walk and so they do. His parents have given the task of chaperoning them to Rosamund and Maramduke who are only interested in pretending to watch them as long as they are in side of the house and go their own way as soon as they cannot be seen anymore. So he is usually alone with Cora. He tells her about the estate and the family history. She seems fascinated by how far the family goes back. "I know about my grandmothers but that is it. We don't really know where we come from, although the name Levinson indicates England. But it might in fact have been Ireland, I am not sure. Records were lost during the Civil War." "Have your parents ever told you about what it was like? Living during the Civil War I mean?" "They don't talk about it much. They've both lost their fathers in it. But that's all I know and I don't want to make them talk about something they'd much rather forget." "You are very kind, do you know that?" He can see the smile in her eyes and is happy that he was able to bring it there. "Thank you Robert. I am trying my best." They walk back to the house, talking about nothing in particular, but when he is back in his own room he marvels at how open Cora is with him and how open he is with her. She has been at Downton for four weeks now but he feels as if he has known her much longer.


	3. Chapter 3

"Son, we need to talk." He wants to roll his eyes because whenever his father starts a conversation like that something unpleasant is bound to follow.

"Your mother has invited Lady Elizabeth and her brother."

"Why?"

"Apparently Lady Elizabeth has inherited quite a lot of money. Don't ask me how that is possible, I don't know."

"Enough to save this estate?"

"Probably. You know what is on your mother's agenda."

"I do."

"She'll try to throw you at Lady Elizabeth."

"Should I let myself be thrown? With a wedding planned for only four weeks from now?"

"I would say no. But it is ultimately your decision."

"I can't throw Cora over."

"Would you like to?"

"A few weeks ago I'd have said yes."

"And now?"

"I am not sure. Cora is nice and I am sure that we will never hate each other and that is something. But I don't have to make a decision right now, do I?"

"No. But your mother will make you sit next to Lady Elizabeth."

"I can live with that."

He doesn't know what to think and is rather nervous when the guests arrive. Elizabeth looks as lovely as ever and she seeks him out right away. Cora doesn't seem to be bothered too much but then she doesn't know who Elizabeth is and what he might have felt for her. He isn't sure what he feels about Elizabeth now. The dinner conversation with Elizabeth is rather boring. She keeps telling him about friends he doesn't know or care about. In the back of his mind he wonders why this bothers him because he always listens when Cora talks about her friends and he certainly doesn't know any of them as they live 4000 miles away, but somehow Cora has the gift of making things interesting. Maybe it is her voice, because Cora's voice is very melodic, something that can certainly not be said about Elizabeth. He says something that Elizabeth seems to find funny or at least pretends to find funny and he wonders why he has never noticed her laugh. It sounds shrill and suppressed at the same time. He hears Cora laugh at something that Maramduke has said and her laugh is something else entirely. It is open and natural. Not typically English, but lovely. Refreshing. And lovely. He returns his attention to Elizabeth because if he considers throwing Cora over for her he has to make a decision soon. The closer it gets to the wedding, the harder it will be. Elizabeth has now said something about the neighbors gossiping about her parents rumored marital problems. "For what do we live but to make sport for our neighbors?" he asks and she answers "What?" "Never mind", he says because he doesn't want to explain it to her. It seems comical to him that a woman named Elizabeth would not recognize the quote but then he realizes that this is a rather stupid notion. Elizabeth excuses herself to talk to his sister and Cora sits down next to him immediately.

"The neighbors will think that you are considering to throw me over for Lady Elizabeth." "Why?" "Because everyone seems to know that you at least used to be partial to her and now you've spent the whole evening talking to her." He decides to test something. "For what do we live but to make sport for our neighbors?" he asks and she answers "and laugh at them in our turn?" "Mr. Bennet was a very wise man", he says. "I think Ms. Austen was a very wise woman. She wrote the novel after all", she answers and they both have to laugh. "So will you throw me over? I have heard that Lady Elizabeth's dowry has been increased rather substantially recently." "Oh, that's an explanation. My father thought she had inherited and that would have been rather strange." "So will you?" He knows he has to be honest. "I don't know. Would you be mad?" "Now. I would be disappointed but I could live with it. But I would like you to be honest with me once you've made your decision." "That is the least I can do for you", he says to her and she seems thankful for that.

He makes his decision in bed later that night. When his father asks him about it at the breakfast table while they are still alone, he tells him that he has to talk to Cora first. He asks her to go walking with him as soon as she has finished breakfast and she acquiesces. "I suppose you've come to a decision." "Yes." He admires how much she can see through him already. "Cora, I am sorry about last night. I shouldn't have given Elizabeth so much attention." "You have a very hard decision to make." "I thought so too, but that it isn't true. The decision was rather easy to make. I thought I was in love with Elizabeth, but I don't think I ever was. Truth be told, I found her rather stupid last night and she set my teeth on edge. So no, I won't throw you over. Not for her. Not for anyone." He doesn't know why he said the last part, but he did and he knows it to be true. He knows he will be comfortable and content with Cora and his changed feelings for Elizabeth have shown him that being comfortable and content is worth rather a lot. "I am happy about that", she says and smiles. They keep on walking around the estate and he shows her spots where he used to hide from his governess when he didn't want to attend his lessons. "It is just as well that you know all these spots. We will be able to find our children when they try to hide rather easily that way. But depending on the governess, we might want to pretend to have no idea where they are." Her statement throws him off balance. He has never thought about the fact that Cora would be, no, will be the mother of his children. He looks at her and can't help thinking that she will probably be a very good mother. At that moment she slips and grabs his upper left arm to steady herself. He looks into her eyes and is overcome by the urge to kiss her. But they aren't married yet and they don't love each other, so he doesn't do it. But he doesn't mind that she doesn't let go of his arm until they are so close to the house again that they could be seen.

They keep on walking around the estate every day and Cora makes a habit of holding onto his arm. He lets her do it because he likes it, although he can't say why. Probably because she is a woman. He'd like any woman to hold onto him like that. He only prefers her because talking to her is so easy for him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you ready?" his father asks. "Yes", he says without hesitation, because he is ready to get this wedding over with. Neither he nor Cora is looking forward to it. They care so little about 'the big show' as Cora likes to call it, that they spent last night together in her new room. He can't remember whose idea it originally was, but when his mother kept telling her that the groom must not see the bride before the wedding and her mother kept talking about having to chaperone them until the last minute he just looked at Cora and rolled his eyes, a sentiment that was mirrored by her. By chance they were left alone for a few minutes right after dinner and Cora said to him that they should just break one of those 'stupid, constricting wedding rules'. "Let's have a drink together after everyone has gone to bed." So they met in the library. They didn't drink too much, but not too little either and his memory has gone fuzzy although he is not sure whether that was a side effect of the alcohol or something else. but he remembers kissing Cora, remembers how right that had felt at that moment. He can't remember them talking about what they were about to do and thinks that they were led by their instincts but he doesn't remember enough to be sure. He does remember the feeling of having her in his arms and the relief he felt when he realized that Cora certainly wasn't 'dutiful' when it came to her marital duties. She had her own ideas and he has no idea where from but they were good and as she put it when they woke up together in her bed this morning 'last night's escapades have taken the pressure of the wedding night".

He waits at the end of the aisle for the woman he doesn't love but technically already made his wife last night. When he sees her in her wedding dress he almost laughs out loud. She is beautiful, very beautiful, but she looks as if she has never been so uncomfortable in her life. They both repeat after the archbishop and he knows that the words have little meaning to her when she has to say that she will obey him. He can see her rolling her eyes the smallest bit and he smirks at her. He doesn't want her to obey and she knows it. They muddle through the reception and the male guests keep dropping so many hints concerning the wedding night that he almost says that he doesn't need any advice as the wedding night has already happened.

He knows that she is as relieved as him when they are finally out of their wedding clothes and on their way for their wedding journey. They will go to Paris first and then on to Marseille and Rome and he looks forward to it. He has seen all those cities before, but Cora has never seen them and he is sure that she will enjoy being in those cities tremendously.

They spend the days of their wedding journey walking around and sightseeing and most of their nights fulfilling their duty, although he certainly doesn't think of it as a duty and he is sure that Cora doesn't either. But what he likes most about this journey is that he spends so much time talking to his wife. He has never found it hard to make small talk but it has never been easy for him to have conversations that go beyond small talk, especially when they touch upon personal subjects. But it is different with Cora. He finds it easy to talk to her about everything and by the time they have reached Rome she has become the best friend he has ever had. It is also in Rome that they sleep in the same bed without having done anything but talking before falling asleep for the first time. He has made a habit of coming into her room every night to talk to her, but when they are not in the mood, or too tired to do anything besides talking, he has always retired to his room after a while so far. But her room in this hotel doesn't have a comfortable chair, so he sits down on her bed to talk and when he realizes that she has fallen asleep he decides to sleep in her bed as well because the door between their rooms squeaks and he doesn't want her to wake up again. He sleeps rather well that night.

A few days later he meets the Viscount Feversham who is on his wedding journey too. Apparently the Viscount has married an American heiress as well and when Robert asks him about her he finds out that he has actually married Sarah Meissner. The Viscount wants them to have dinner together that day and because he is a nice a person he agrees, although he knows that Cora won't be too happy to have to eat with Ms Meissner who is now the Viscountess Feversham. "Do we really have to?" she asks him. "I am afraid so." "Well then, let's get it over with." Dinner with them isn't exactly pleasant, the Viscount and Viscountess don't seem to be getting along very well and their constant bickering sets his teeth on edge. Cora's estimation that Ms Meissner was as dumb as humanly possible unfortunately proves true as well and he has never been so glad to have asked an intelligent woman to marry him as he is when he realizes how unnerving it is for the Viscount to be married to someone he has nothing to talk about with. After dinner Cora claims to have a headache and positively flees the dining room. The Viscountess leaves too and he is left alone with the Viscount Feversham who reminds him that they were only a few years apart at school and that thus he should call him Charles. "All right then, Charles. Should we go up too?" he asks because he really wants to get away. He is sure that Cora isn't really ill and their evening might still be saved. "I thought we could have a few drinks together. Have the evening off from our wives. Wouldn't that be a nice change?" He almost says "No" but keeps quiet.

"So, Robert, how do you like married life?"

"It is better than I thought it would be."

"You must have thought it to be horrible then."

"No. I didn't. I was just a little apprehensive of having to spend so much time in close proximity to someone I don't know well. Well, didn't know well because now I know Cora rather well I think." "Have you decided on where to keep your mistress? In London or closer to home?"

"What? I don't have a mistress. I don't want one either."

"Oh to be young again."

"Excuse me?"

"Once you are my age, you will want a mistress, trust me."

"You are only four years older than me. And I know what mistresses are for. I don't want one because I don't need one. Good night." He storms out of the room. How can this man whom he hardly knows tell him that he will want a mistress? Besides the fact that he would never have one because it isn't honorable, he couldn't do it to his wife. She deserves to be respected. And even if he doesn't love her there is no reason why he should take another woman into his bed. The thought makes him want throw up. Or maybe it is the liquor.

When he wakes up his head is killing him. "Oh my poor dear", Cora says to him. "Do you have to throw up again?" He wants to ask when he has thrown up before but can only reach for the bucket next to his bed. Cora holds his forehead without flinching and it makes the whole process a little easier. She takes care of what needs to be taken care of and brings him a cool cloth for his head. "What time is it?" he croaks out. "8 am." "Hm." "How much did you drink? You came back here at 10. It can't have been that much." "I wasn't lying when I told you that I couldn't hold my liquor." He hardly dares to ask the next question. "How often have I, you know?" She smiles. "I didn't count and it doesn't matter." She touches his hand and he wonders about her tenderness. "Why are you taking care of me?" "Because you are my husband. But if you'd rather Somers" "No", he sits up and that is not a good idea. His head feels as if it is about to split. "My father picked him as my valet. I don't want him to know" "Shh", Cora says and helps him to lie down again. "I don't mind taking care of you. And I won't tell anyone." He stays in bed for the rest of the day and Cora keeps him company. She doesn't laugh about him but helps him and makes him feel better. He wonders whether they will eventually be more than best friends but dismisses the thought because there is no reason for them to ever be more than that.


	5. Chapter 5

He treasures every moment of their journey back to England because he knows that for a very long time they won't be alone like this again. His father will involve him in the running of the estate more than ever before and Cora will be expected to pay social calls and work with charities. He will miss having his best friend all to himself.

When they get home he isn't surprised when his mother announces that have to be ready for dinner in two hours and that she has invited twenty guests to welcome them back home. He whispers "I'm sorry about that" to Cora and she squeezes his hand in acknowledgement.

During dinner the men make fun of wedding nights and the ladies try to get Cora to embarrass herself but she holds her own and he is proud of her. She doesn't take the bait when those high born ladies talk about American middle class women wanting to become part of the aristocracy either. "I miss those times when the aristocracy only married in the right social circles", the Duchess says eventually. "Yes," his mother says, "où sont les neiges d'antan?" "They've melted", Cora says. "And isn't that better? If the world never changed, we'd still be living in castles without windows and only bricks heated in the fire to keep us warm in winter."

He manages to turn his laughter into a coughing fit but his father is less successful and laughs out loud. The look his mother throws his father would have made Robert want to hide in the attic, but his father only raises an eyebrow at her. "Son," he says and turns to him. "Should you ever be in doubt about whether you have married the right woman, think back to this conversation. A woman who can come back like that to your mother and her best friend is the best choice you could ever have made." "I know", he says. He catches her eye and smiles at her in admiration and she gives him one of those brilliant smiles that he can't get enough of in return.

Later that night when he is alone with her in her room he grabs her and kisses her. "That was brilliant. It really was. I don't think I've ever seen my mother looking that flabbergasted." He kisses her again and doesn't stop before they both almost break down with laughter.

They fall into a very comfortable routine over the course of the next few weeks. They go their separate ways in the morning, go for a walk after lunch, go their separate ways after that again and spend most of their time from dinner onwards together. During the walks Cora holds on to his arm and at night he sleeps in her bed, regardless of whether they have only talked or done more than that. But they always talk, sometimes for only a few minutes and sometimes for hours. His mother starts to nag them about an heir but he tells her not to worry and says the same to Cora. In fact, he doesn't mind not having a child right away because he enjoys having Cora's undivided attention. When he tells her so, she smiles at him and gives him a kiss and her reaction causes a strange feeling in the region of his stomach that he ignores.

After they've been home from the wedding journey for five months, and married for seven, his father takes him to London on a business trip and his mother insists on Cora staying at Downton with her. He is disappointed by this because he would have liked to have taken Cora. She has seemed downcast to him for the past two months and although he asked her repeatedly what was wrong she never told him anything and said that she was 'just fine'. He doesn't really believe it and is a little hurt because he thought he was her best friend and that she would tell him everything, but then again he supposes that she is homesick and doesn't want to tell him so, because she doesn't want him to be disappointed. She is such a good friend.

"What are you moping about? You look like your cousin Susan" his father says by way of greeting him one morning while they are in London. "I am not moping. I didn't sleep well. And I'm lonely." "Lonely? Why? Go meet some friends then." His father doesn't seem to understand. "My best friend is at Downton and I miss her. Is that so wrong?" "No, there's nothing wrong about missing your wife. I miss your mother too. Sometimes." "You miss her all the time. There is no one here for you to fight with." His father only smirks at this but the fact that his father misses his mother probably means that he won't find a reason to stay in London longer than they had originally planned and that suits Robert very well.

As he always does when he is in London he takes one afternoon to go through all the things in his room because he tends to forget things there and then looks for them at Downton. He finds his grandmother's engagement ring in one of the drawers. He had taken it to London at the beginning of last season because he hoped against hope that he would find a woman worthy of it. But he didn't. He promised his grandmother that he would only give it to a woman he loves. He thinks that he and Cora are likely to have a daughter one day and he is sure to lover her, so maybe he can give the ring to his daughter. He absentmindedly takes the ring out of its box and puts it in his pocket.

Without realizing what he is doing he puts the ring in his pocket every morning and he keeps doing it when he is back at Downton. He is glad to be back home, but worried about Cora. She seemed very cheerful right after he had come back home, especially when in a wave of uncontrolled emotion he picked her up and swung her around. She wouldn't stop smiling the first two days he was back but her cheerfulness evaporated after that. She asked him not to ask about why she wasn't as cheerful anymore and because he wants to be a very good friend to her he stopped. She seemed to ease up a little after that and to him that was a relief. But he is still afraid that she is thinking about moving back to America because what else besides homesickness would make her so subdued? And he'd miss her so much. Although he had been aware that Cora had become an integral part of his life, he only realized how much he depended on her when he was in London without her. He didn't sleep very well without talking to her first.

He decides to go for a walk with her right after breakfast that day because he doesn't have that much to do and he hopes that it will cheer her up a little. He seems to have been right about this because the moment he comes into her bedroom to tell her about this her face lights up like the sun. It makes him very happy to know that he is able to make her smile like that. He missed her smiles. She holds on to his arm as she always does and he realizes not for the first time how much he likes it. He tells her that he missed her holding on to him like that while he was in London and she stops in her tracks. He has to stop too and in a gesture that is both forceful and gentle she takes his face between her hands and kisses him. Without thinking about what he is doing he kisses her back and when he feels her hands move through his hair, feels how gentle and tender her touch is, his world begins to spin. They have kissed hundreds of times before of course, but always as part of something else and he knows that this will lead nowhere in those terms. It is a kiss that tells him how much Cora has missed him and that is all there is to it. When they break apart he looks into her eyes and sees an emotion there he is afraid to name and it makes him think that maybe it is not only homesickness that has Cora so subdued. He hugs her and says "Cora, I am so sorry." He can feel her nod and she says "I knew what I was getting myself into, didn't I?" The sadness in her voice brings tears to his eyes and he is glad that she can't see them.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days are difficult. He has the feeling that something has broken between them and their friendship is not as easy anymore. He is not sure how to repair what has been broken but he wants to desperately because he wants Cora to be happy. That is more important to him than his own happiness. But he also knows that he can't pretend to feel what he doesn't feel. He considers talking to her about this several times, but he is so bad at talking about his feelings. Cora was the only person whom he could talk to about emotions at all, but he would feel very uncomfortable talking to her about this because he is afraid of hurting her. And the most wonderful woman he has ever met does not deserve to be hurt, especially not by him.

When they sit down for dinner he has a feeling that this will not go well. His parents have had a fight that morning and they have both been in a bad mood ever since. As always in a situation like this, his father just becomes quieter and hardly says anything but his mother has made of habit of letting it out on Cora. He has warned Cora before dinner and offered to make excuses for her, but Cora had said that if she didn't come down for dinner his mother would only come upstairs and let it out on her there. He knows that she is right but wants to help her as much as he can, so he takes her hand when they walk downstairs to let her know that he is on her side, no matter what his mother will throw at her. The fight between his parents must have been serious because his mother starts picking on Cora the moment they enter the drawing room. "Why are you making Robert hold your hand?" she snaps at her. In an obvious attempt to keep the peace between herself and her mother-in-law, Cora drops his hand immediately but the moment his mother looks satisfied he takes Cora's hand again because he wants his mother to know that he will fight for Cora if he has to. And he wants to assure his wife of his continued support. As soon as they have sat down for dinner he tries to get his mother to talk to him but she ignores him and barks at Cora about something "dishonorably American" that she is supposed to have done. The look of bewilderment on Cora's face shows him that Cora has no idea what his mother is talking about. The moment his mother realizes that Cora won't take the bait she switches topics with admirable speed.

"You should see a doctor, Cora."

"Why?"

"Are you really asking that question? You and Robert have been married for eight months and still nothing to show for it. There must be something wrong with you."

He is about to say that he is sure that there is nothing wrong when Cora says "I have seen a doctor and there is nothing wrong with me. He said I was still very young and that that is probably why it might take a little longer." He is surprised by this because she didn't tell him, but she probably just didn't want to worry him. He is so thankful and feels so sorry for her.

"That is nonsense", his mother continues. "If there is nothing wrong with you then you must be doing something wrong when you do your duty." Cora looks as if she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry or defend herself or leave the room. This look of absolute confusion on his wife's face is what finally makes him lose his temper. He bangs his fist on the table so hard that his eyes sting with tears. "Mother", he says. "If you ever talk to Cora like that again I will take her and move out of this house. I cannot accept your despicable treatment of her any longer. You treat her like an insolent child and make her pay for every fight you have had with Papa. You ridicule her and accuse her of doing things wrongly when she does everything expected of her perfectly. She does not deserve to be treated like that, not by you, not by anyone. You will apologize to her."

"Or what? What can you do? If you want to move out then do it and take that little upstart girl with you. I won't mind not having to see her every day anymore."

"What? What? I can't believe you have really said that. How unfeeling can you be?"

"I am only giving her the treatment she deserves. The only thing she might be good for she hasn't delivered yet. And it is about time. You need to get the succession settled."

"How dare you say that? It took you and Papa four years to have Rosamund and another five until you finally had me. And you expect Cora to present you with an heir within the first year of our marriage?"

"It's different. Having children was not the only thing I was only ever good for."

"It is not the only thing Cora is good for either. If it wasn't for her we wouldn't be sitting here. She saved this estate."

"Her inheritance did that. And you could have married someone else with a large inheritance or dowry."

"But I didn't want to marry anyone else."

"Don't pretend that you love her now. Because you don't. And there will come a time when you will still be childless wishing to have married another woman."

He and his mother are both standing now and they have shouted so loudly that he is sure it could be heard in the servants' hall. But he can't go on any longer. He sees the hurt in Cora's eyes and knows that he has to take her away from this. He walks around the table to her and offers her his hand. She looks into his eyes and takes it. They walk out of the dining room. He can hear his mother round on his father. "You have to make him apologize for his behavior." "No I don't because he doesn't have to. You had it coming and you deserved every last bit of it." He strengthens his hold on Cora's hand. She looks at him and says "Thank you. For your gallant defense of me." "You needed to be defended and my mother's treatment of you is unacceptable." She turns around and looks into his eyes. "Yes. But you should apologize to her. Not for what you've said but for how you've said it. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow. But maybe the day after. When you've both cooled down a little." He knows she's right, she's always right. "What should we do now?" he asks her. "Have dinner send to my room. We haven't eaten yet." "No, eat in the dining room. I am going upstairs. Your mother is waiting for you in the dining room, but she will leave once she has said what she wants to say", his father says as he walks by. He looks at Cora and she nods, so he takes her hand again and this time she squeezes his hand and he knows that she is telling him that she will support him too. "Robert", his mother says stiffly. "Yes", he says. His mother looks at him, shakes her head and leaves. "What was that about?" Cora asks when she sits down. "My father probably wanted her to apologize right now but she couldn't do it. Darling, don't sit all the way over there. Come here. It is just us." He wonders what he has said because the slightly upset expression on Cora's face changes into the softest look has ever seen on her, ever seen on anyone. It makes a shiver run down his spine. They sit next to each other at the dining table and it feels as if they were back on their wedding journey. They talk and laugh and for once Cora doesn't seem to be so subdued. They stay in the dining room for hours until he notices that the maids are getting impatient because they have to clean the room before they go to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

"Let's go upstairs", he says. They walk up the stairs hand in hand and he follows her into her room because he doesn't see any point in separating from her at this moment. She lets go of him and walks to the window and he has the feeling that she is stealing herself to do something, so he remains where he is. When she turns around she has a look of determination, hope and utter desperation on her face.

"Robert, there is something that I should tell you and I have to ask you to not interrupt me because I won't be able to start again once I've been stopped. Promise me."

"Yes", he says and his heart beats faster in his chest and he doesn't know whether he is afraid of or looking forward to hearing what she has to say.

"Robert, you have asked me whether there was something wrong with me and I said no. But that was not strictly true. There is something that makes this marriage more difficult for me than I imagined it to be. We both wanted to be friends and we've formed a wonderful friendship and I am afraid of ruining that. But because you are such a good friend I can't keep this from you any longer. I know it wasn't our plan and I know that it will probably make our relationship a little awkward, at least for a while, but you deserve to know it and I have to say it. At least once, because I'd regret it if I never told you. Robert, I love you. I have felt like this for quite some time, probably since before the wedding, and I have tried to suppress this feeling but it is too strong and I can't do anything about it. I don't expect you to love me back, that was not why we got married. I know that. But I love you. With all my heart."

He knew this was coming, but he doesn't know what to say or do. He wants to hug his wife and tell her that it will be all right and that she hasn't ruined anything but he isn't sure whether that is true. He puts his right hand in his pocket and touches his grandmother's engagement ring. He has been carrying it around for weeks out of habit and he never knew why. He looks at Cora and sees the love in her eyes and he almost loses his balance as his world falls into place and he realizes why he has been carrying that ring around for weeks. He walks over to her, takes her hands in his and looks into her eyes. It breaks his heart to see how defeated she looks.

"Cora, I once told you that I wouldn't get down on one knee and propose to you, giving you my grandmother's engagement ring, swearing my undying love for you, because we both knew it to be a lie. And I can't propose to you now because we are already married and I won't get down on one knee because without a proposal that seems rather silly and this is very serious. But I can give my grandmother's engagement ring to you and swear my undying love for you because it isn't a lie anymore."

The expression on Cora's face has turned from desperation to confusion and almost makes him laugh. But he said that this was serious and it is. "Take off your gloves", he says and she does it and lets them fall to the ground. He looks at her hands and sees that she wears only her wedding ring. He never gave her an engagement ring, they both thought that that would have been pointless, and so he takes her right hand and puts his grandmother's engagement ring on her ring finger. Her look is one of utter disbelief. He keeps her right hand in his left and touches her cheek with his right hand. He can feel her leaning into his touch and she closes her eyes. But he wants her to look at him when tells her what he is about to tell her. "Open your eyes, Cora, please." She does what he asks and he sees that her eyes are full of tears. "Don't cry." She manages a small smile.

"Cora I am very glad that I married you. You are right, we have formed a wonderful friendship, and you are the best friend I have ever had. But you haven't ruined anything. Because you are much more than a friend to me, so much more. I", he has to stop because he has to pull himself together. Tears are running down Cora's face now and he has difficulties to hold back his own tears for one more sentence. He takes a deep breath to steady himself. "I love you more than anything in the world." He isn't sure whether she was able to understand the end of the sentence because he lost his fight against crying after saying 'I love you' but those were the most important words he has ever said. So much more important than the 'I do' he said at the altar. And he knows that she heard him say those three words because despite her tears she looks unbelievably happy. She begins to smile at him and he smiles at her too and as in one fluid motion they both move forward until their lips meet and they kiss. Their kiss turns into more eventually and it is a whole new experience for him. He has always enjoyed this part of their marriage, it was easy to enjoy because he trusted Cora completely and he knew that she trusted him. She sometimes called them 'very good friends who have terrific fun in the bedroom' and he always had to laugh about that. But this is different and although they have already done this many times, it feels more intimate than it has ever felt before and he thinks that it is that way because they have so much more to give to each other now.

He wakes up in the middle of the night when he feels Cora shivering beside him. "Darling, you are freezing. Put some clothes on." They have never fallen asleep together without getting dressed again and he is beyond happy that they have now come to a stage in their relationship where this seems natural to them. But he feels cold and so does she.

"We are both very reasonable people, you know", she says to him when he comes back into their room, wearing his pajamas now.

"Why do you think so?"

"Because we both put on some clothes. We could have done something else to keep us warm."

"Cora, you know what we will be facing tomorrow."

"I know, darling. As I said we are both reasonable and we both know that we should sleep."

"Yes."

"Robert, are you all right?"

"I have never fought with my mother like that. I know I shouldn't be thinking about my mother of all people now, but I do. I feel rather bad about having yelled at her like that."

"Don't feel bad for thinking about that now. You love your family very much and you don't want to hurt anyone of them. That is one of the reasons why I love you so much."

"I want to apologize, but I don't know if I should."

"Why not?"

"Because of the things she said about you. Can I accept my mother talking about my wife that way?"

"No, you can't. But you should keep in mind that your mother doesn't know that you love me. Maybe you should tell her that."

"I will have to tell her and I will have to do so before she sees the ring on your finger because she would go crazy if she saw it and didn't know I had given it to you for anything but the deepest love."

"Why?"

"I told you this was my grandmother's engagement ring but I never told you which grandmother."

"Your maternal grandmother, I presume."

"Yes."

"Oh dear."

"My thoughts precisely. I'll talk to her tomorrow morning."

"If it made things easier I could just not wear the ring. At least while your mother might see it."

"No, darling. I gave it to you because I love you. I want you to wear it." The smile on Cora's face is worth the fight he will have with his mother over this. He falls asleep with her in his arms again and although this is rather uncomfortable he thinks that he would like to fall asleep like this every day.

"How did your talk with your mother go?" He'd rather not tell her but he knows she will find out eventually.

"Not well I'm afraid. She yelled at me for giving you the ring. She believes that I did it to hurt her." "Would you like me to talk to her?"

"She'd only bite your head off. I've talked to my father as well. We'll visit Rosamund and Maramduke. We are leaving today. Papa thought that it might be best if were gone for a few days and I have to say that I agree." Cora seems relieved at his words.

"So do I. Let's spend some time in London then."

"And while we are there, let's make plans for going to America."

"What?"

"I think we should go to America for a few months. I've never been and it's your home and I'd love to see it." Cora hugs him so tightly that he has trouble breathing.

"When?"

"It is up to you. But I thought that it might be nice to be gone for our first wedding anniversary because we won't have to put up with the party my parents are bound to give for us then."

"You know that my parents will want to do that too."

"Yes, but that is different. That will be a different kind of party, I suppose."

"I think so. Robert, I can't tell you how happy this makes me." She still hasn't let go of him and when she kisses him he knows that she puts all her thankfulness into that one kiss.

"Darling, I am sorry but I have to go. I need to arrange for our trip to London. But I promise you we can go in with this in London tonight."

"I will hold you to that promise because last night was amazing."

"Yes it was."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

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AN: This is it, more or less, although I will post an epilogue tomorrow. Be warned, the epilogue is rather sad.

Thank you for all your support and feedback!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Just a warning, this is a little sad.

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Epilogue

"Robert?"

"Yes, darling?"

"I want to go home."

"I know. But it would be better if you stayed here."

"Robert, I am going to die, no matter where I am."

"You'd live longer if you stayed here."

"A few days. Most of them unconscious. That is not how I want to die."

"You'd need to be under permanent observation by a doctor."

"You could ask Sybbie to come. Her husband can run their practice alone for a few days."

"Sybbie is a pediatrician."

"Does that matter? Children get infusions too. Please Robert, don't make me die here."

"I'll talk to the doctor. And to Sybbie. But I can't promise you anything."

"You can make it happen. You are the Earl of Grantham."

"That doesn't count for as much as it used to."

"My mother told me that if I married into the English aristocracy my every whim would be catered to."

"That was seventy years ago."

"It's a long time."

"Yes. And I treasured every moment of it."

"Robert, I am sorry I won't hold out until our anniversary."

"Don't be my darling. I love you."

"I love you too."

And because he loves her more than anything else in the world, loves her more than life, he talks to the doctors at the hospital and to their granddaughter Sybbie and Cora is brought home that same day. He wants her home almost as much as she wants to be home because he wants to be with her in their home again one more time before he has to say goodbye. His wife has spent the better part of the last year at the hospital and the only thing that stopped him from getting her back to Downton was that the doctors promised a longer life for her if she stayed at the hospital. But now it is a matter of days and she is 89 years old and deserves to die the way she wants to.

"Grandpa?"

"Yes Sybbie?"

"You can go in. I've given her her medication but she won't hold out much longer. She'll die tonight."

"I know. I'm ready and so is she. Thank you my darling girl."

"You are welcome. All the others have said goodbye already, so you'll have her to yourself. I knew it was what you wanted."

"Thank you again, Sybbie."

She is in their room on their bed, propped up by what seems to be all the pillows in the house. He sits down next to her and puts his arm around her as he has done millions of times in the last 69 years. "I love you so much", he says to her. "I know. I love you too." He kisses her forehead and she smiles at him. When he looks into her face he sees their whole life, images of their wedding, their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren running around their estate and waking them up on Christmas morning because they can't wait for their presents. He sees Cora dancing with him on his birthday when Rose had gotten the Jazz band to play in their entrance hall, sees his wife telling him that she was pregnant for the first, the second, the third and the fourth time. He sees her presenting each of their three wonderful, lovely daughters to him and remembers the night she asked him to stay in their bedroom for the first time after Sybil's death. He sees her smiling at him across the dining table, sees her sitting at her vanity, turning around and smiling at him when he enters their room. The images become blurred and all he sees is the woman he has loved for more than three quarters of his life. "Robert", she says and he knows that this is the last time that he has heard her say his name in that unique way of hers that still makes a shiver run down his spine.

"Yes, darling?"

"I am going to die now."

"I know, darling. Go ahead. I love you."

"I love you too". He gives her one last kiss on the lips; she puts her head on his shoulders and stops breathing after a few moments. He holds her for a few more minutes, then puts her down and leaves their room.

"Sybbie?" he asks.

"Yes, Grandpa?"

"She's gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Do what you have to do."

"All right. It'll only be a few minutes."

The funeral seems unreal to him and he doesn't take it in. The archbishop keeps talking about his wife's life but he didn't know her and what the prince of the church says seems meaningless to him.

After they have put the coffin into the ground he asks to be left alone for a few minutes. He just stares ahead; there is nothing left to say.

"Papa?"

"Yes Mary?" She doesn't answer but puts her head on his shoulder.

"How long have you got left?" she asks after a while.

"A month, maybe two."

"I'll miss you. Both of you. I am a grandmother myself, but I will miss you and Mama so much."

"When your grandmother died, I was about as old as you are now. I couldn't believe she was gone."

"I can't believe Mama is gone. And that you will be gone as well soon. And that George will be the Earl."

"He will be an excellent earl."

"Yes. Have you told Mama?"

"That I am about to die too? No. I didn't want to worry her. And she would have worried."

"How does it feel? Living without her?"

"You know how it feels."

"Yes. I still miss Matthew. I love Tony, and we are happy, but I miss Matthew every day still."

"That George looks like an exact replica of him isn't helping I suppose."

"I don't know. I sometimes feel bad for Tony. But he knows and accepts it. Which is what makes me love him, I think."

"Love is a strange thing. But I am glad that I found it in your mother. I sometimes can't believe how lucky I was. I picked her because she seemed to be the least boring one of all the heiresses that were around the season I had to find a wife. I never thought I'd fall in love with her."

"But you did. You had a wonderful marriage."

"For almost 70 years. I can't believe she's gone, Mary. I have slept alone in our bed for so many nights now, all the nights she spent at the hospital. And all the nights since the one after her death. But I wake up every night because I think that she has said my name. She used to do that when she woke up at night. She woke me up too and sometimes we used to talk for hours then. There is no one I can talk to like that to anymore."

"You can always talk to me or Tom. You know that."

"Of course I do. I love you for it. And Tom too. But it is not the same."

"No. I wish I could talk to Matthew every single day. I know it is highly unfair, but sometimes when I hear Tony come into our part of the building, I wish it wasn't him who was walking up the stairs but Matthew. I don't regret marrying Tony, but I sometimes wish I could have been as strong as Tom and not have remarried at all."

"You wouldn't have had your two lovely girls then."

"No, I suppose not. Papa, I don't want you to die."

"I know my darling girl. But I have to. And I think it is better this way. You saw how many people were here today. They did not only come to bury the Countess of Grantham. They came because they wanted to watch our way of life being lowered into the ground. The world changed so much. When your mother and I got married, every dinner was white tie. Now we wear white tie on New Year's Eve only, and maybe not even then. This season there were no presentations at court because our queen abolished the tradition. I am from a different world Mary, and the only thing that kept me in this world was your mother. But know this: I am very proud of you and love you very, very much. Open your hand. This is my grandmother's engagement ring. I gave it to your mother about eight months after our wedding. My grandmother told me to give it to a woman I loved very much. I took it to London during the season I had to find a wife. I knew I wouldn't have to use it, but I took it nevertheless. I found it in my room a few months after your mother and I had returned from our honeymoon and I took it home with me, thinking that we were bound to have a daughter and that I would certainly love her very much and that I could give the ring to her. I changed my mind when I realized how I felt for your mother, so I am giving this to you a lot later than I once thought I would. But I want you to have it. Wear it, or give it to one of your granddaughters or grandsons if they need an engagement ring. But only if they get married out of love."

"I'll wear it. And then leave it to George."

"Good. He's got two lovely children, he'll find a use for it."

"Mama wore this ring every day. This one and her wedding ring."

"Yes. I gave the wedding ring to Sybbie. She's helped her so much. Not only the last year but when Sybil died, Sybbie was what kept your mother going."

"That's a lovely gesture. Does Edith know this?"

"Yes. She agreed. She said it's what your mother would have wanted."

"Have you written it yet?"

"Yes", he says and gives her a piece of paper with the inscription he wants to be on his wife's headstone, a headstone he won't ever have to see. It reads:

_Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham_

_Loving And Much beloved Mother, Grandmother and Great-Grandmother_

_Wonderful and Loving Wife, Loved beyond Words by her Husband _

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AN: Thank you all for reading this story and for your support and reviews!_  
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